Valuable Information for my Family and Friends

Midterms are looming, so I’m going to resort to entertaining my blog fans (yes, both of you!) with reruns for a few days, until I have time to think again. (I’m doing a lot of thinking, actually, but unless you enjoy reading about stoichiometry and redox reactions and limiting reactants and such, I’m pretty sure you’ll prefer the reruns.) So here’s a little bit I wrote one day when I was sitting around being sick, and entertaining myself by doing random Google searches and seeing what popped up:

Finally, the information we have all been waiting for: How to Make a Thought Screen Helmet. No more laying awake at night worrying that aliens are coming to abduct you! All you have to do is follow the simple instructions on this website to make your own thought-screen helmet, rendering you invulnerable to those pesky alien abductors.

According to this website,

The thought screen helmet blocks telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them using their telepathy.

And an alien who cannot control your mind cannot abduct you. In fact, according to this website, in the past five years only TWO people wearing thought-screen helmets have been abducted! If that’s not a convincing statistic, I don’t know what is. I’m going to go right out and buy a case of velostat sheets!

This part is worrisome, though:

“However, people can still be overcome by the Mantis alien (leaders) direct hypnotic-staring procedure as described by David Jacobs in ufoabduction.com. New devices and methods to overcome their hypnotic control ability are being tested.

So, in addition to washing your hands after using the bathroom, wearing your seatbelt and avoiding dark alleys in bad parts of town, PLEASE avoid making any direct eye-contact with mantis aliens.

Also, if you do remove your thought-screen helmet for any reason, be sure and put it in a secure place, because aliens like to steal them.

See also:

More on Alien Abductions

Just When You Thought You Were Finally Safe…

This entry was posted in Eccentricities, Parallel Universes. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Valuable Information for my Family and Friends

  1. Eilonwy says:

    I don’t enjoy reading about stoichiometry (though I do enjoy reading your helpful tips on thought-screen helmets) but you know, it has been too long since I’ve had a chance to use that word.

    “Stoichiometry”. I’ve missed you, stoichiometry! Thank you, LadyLong, for returning such a jolly, ridiculous word to my life. I mean, really, STOICHIOMETRY! Genius!

  2. Ruth says:

    Glad to oblige. I’ll keep an ear out for more tasty words for you to savor. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *