Another rerun… sorry, nursing school is HARD!!! I’ll write something fresh just as soon as I can spare a few brain cells, I promise. Meanwhile… This essay was written as a followup to the essay Valuable Information for my Family and Friends, concerning how to protect yourself from alien abductions. Enjoy.
Darn. It turns out that the thought screen helmet isn’t going to be enough, folks — sorry about that. Not only do we have to worry about aliens invading our brains, but apparently there’s also the more local problem of electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers. Unfortunately, Velostat is ineffective against the government’s brain scanning and mind reading technology. So even with our new thought screen helmets securely duct-taped to our heads (because aliens do not have the manual dexterity required to remove them then) we are still at risk of subversion and mental enslavement!
So, don’t put away your tools just yet, because you’re also going to need an A.F.D.B. (Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie). You will find comprehensive instructions at this website.
(Note: although an AFDB is actually adequate protection against alien psychotropic mind control, unlike Velostat it does not seem to interfere with the electromagnetic field used for levitation; so you will probably want to use both materials in order to ensure total protection.)
Incidentally, it seems that although alien abductors seem primarily concerned with invading human minds, the government is equally interested in intruding into the minds of our pets, who are rendered even more vulnerable than ourselves due to their less developed sense of “self”. So you will need to purchase enough aluminum foil to make beanies for your beloved pets as well. Pregnant women should also begin covering their bellies with foil before their second trimester, to “ensure that harmful psychotronic engrams are not permanently stamped into the developing brain of your unborn child.”
Another item worthy of mention is that tin may not be as effective as aluminum foil, so you will want to be certain that you are using genuine aluminum foil to protect yourself and your loved ones, as explained in this website exerpt:
“Most experts agree that tin does have an effect but opinions are divided as to whether or not it is as good as aluminum. A small, but vocal, contingent even argues that tin is superior, but they are held by most to be the lunatic fringe of Foil Deflector Beanie science. I would advise people wishing to build a Deflector Beanie to stick with aluminum whenever possible since it is a proven technology.”
We certainly wouldn’t want to be considered members of the lunatic fringe of foil deflector beanie science, so let’s stick to what’s tried and true!
Those of you who are Amiga and Linux users can also benefit from the additional protection of the MindGuard psychotronic mind-control protection software, which you can find here. According to the website,
“MindGuard works by leveraging your computer’s aluminum-based innards to both detect and emit psychotronic energy using advanced quasi-quantum techniques. Once a mind-control signal is identified and analyzed, MindGuard can generate a specially tuned anti-signal that will jam the incoming signal. If MindGuard is unable to properly identify the signal, it will generate psychotronic white noise to ensure the signal’s harmful message is scrambled.”
And a final note: Be sure to construct your own AFDB. Although commercial versions are apparently available, the official AFDB information website advises,
“Do not purchase these pre-made AFDBs, even if the seller seems trustworthy. They may contain backdoors, pinholes, integrated psychotronic circuitry or other methods that actually promote mind control.”
Sheesh. Seems you just can’t trust ANYBODY, these days!